Date With Anya
by KingsJester
Summary: Stink at summaries. Semi-AU, major OOC, Anya x Suzaku


Date With Anya

**-----------------------**

**Well, this may be a bit crack-ish, that is very intentional. Also, I can see Anya and Suzaku, she has enough guts to slam him right in his face ("Are you a masochist?"). Finally, Code Geass and all associated themes and characters belong to Sunrise and Clamp**

**------------------------**

Suzaku Kururugi was ambitious; having already captured Zero for the fabulous reward, the title 'Knight of Seven' amongst the Knights of the Round, he had set his sights for the big cheese, the Knight of One. Still, he was only eighteen, and subject to inexperience in both battle, and love.

_**Pendragon, Britannia**_

Suzaku Kururugi was walking down the hallway of the Imperial Palace, alongside his friends, Anya Alstreim, and Gino Weinburg. They had just heard from the Emperor himself that Zero was alive, and had just killed Viceroy Calares. Suzaku had sworn to kill Zero by his own hand, for Euphemia, and take a step towards becoming Knight of One.

By odd fate, the trio walked by the current Knight of One himself, Bismark Waldstein. The tall, aging man was talking to a dark-skinned woman, Dorothy Earnst, Knight of Four.

The groups had walked by each other, the former giving a small bow of courtesy towards their seniors, while the latter seemed to ignore them. Gino then had a fabulous (for him) idea.

"Hey, Lord Waldstein" said the hyperactive Gino.

"Yes, Weinburg" said the older man in a lazy tone.

"Suzaku here says he wants to kick your ass" said Gino.

Suzaku immediately kicked Gino behind his knees, jumped on his back and gagged him.

"Don't mind him Your Highness, Gino suffers from inbreeding, so he's not exactly right in the head" said the chocolate-haired knight.

"I really don't mind, I get death threats, ransom letters, and the occasional gay comic strip featuring The Emperor and I. You're not really that high on my priorities" said the old geezer, with a small smile when referencing the comic strip.

_**In the Sword of Akasha**_

Charles Zi Britannia, Emperor of a third of the world, made a mighty sneeze that shook even the gravity-defying (and god-defying but we're still right after episode 2 so don't worry) realm, a piece of cloud fell down and struck Charles' immortal, stuck-in-a-pedophile-magnet-body brother.

"Charles, the sky is falling, you may want to stop" said the older man

"I'll stop when I feel like it, now hurry up with that comic strip" said Charles, he was posing next to a very accurate sculpture of Bismark Waldstein, both were posing…in the nude.

_**Back to the current (and far less brain-raping) setting**_

"Suzaku wants more than to surpass you after you get too old to pilot a Knightmare Frame, he wishes to take your position, by force if necessary" said the pink-haired Anya

"Anya!!!" replied Suzaku in a hurt voice.

Suzaku was frozen by a flash of light followed by a sound.

"Recorded, buffed out Neanderthal about to rape a small, defenseless teenager with mental retardation" said Anya, then posed a stupid look on her face and took a picture of it.

"Anya, delete that" said Suzaku.

"Only if you go up against Bismark"

"Fine" Suzaku turned towards the Knight of One, who was showing Gino the January edition of aforementioned comic strip "Bismark Waldstein, I challenge you to a sparring match between two members of the Rounds. If I win, you hand over your sword as the Knight of One"

"Fine, but if I win?" asked Bismark.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-whatthehellsupwithallthe-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhs"

"Suzaku goes on a date with a random person to a random restaurant while I videotape the date and give you the video" said Anya, holding a videotape attachment to her camera-phone.

"_Hmm, Charles and I do need a new video, and I'll finally get to portray somebody buff, not Charles' twerpy son"_

"Deal, name the time and place" said Bismark.

"One hour from now, in Area 2" said Suzaku.

"That's my Area, you're giving me the home field advantage?"

"No, it's to save travel money so you don't have to fly to Area 2 personally to tell them they don't have to listen to you"

_**1 hour later, Area 2**_

The Lancelot Conquista was being transported via jet to save battery life; the Galahad was waiting for it and Suzaku in Area 2, formerly Canada.

Once the two pilots had entered their respective Knightmare Frames, the Tristan showed up.

"On my count, you two will begin. Rules: there will be no cheating, sabotage, or seduction, which includes you Monica, unless you want to win. Ready, Set" The Tristan transformed into Fortress mode and flew away "TRANSFORM…I mean GO!!!"

The Galahad fired harkens at the Lancelot, which in turn had put up its Blaze Luminous. Bismark then switched to the Excalibur, and in one massive swipe had destroyed Suzaku's shields.

"This guy has the abilities of the Dark Gundam…I mean Galahad, given to him by… KYOJI!!!...I mean THE EMPEROR!!!" screamed Suzaku. The Lancelot started turning gold with green highlights, Suzaku's pilot outfit was turning red. "This hand of mine glows with an awesome power, its burning strength tells me to defeat you. TAKE THIS, MY LOVE, MY ANGER, AND ALL MY SORROW; SHINING FINGER SWOOORRRD!"

_**Back in the Sword of Akasha**_

"Not on my manwhore" said Charles. He pressed a random button and a lightning bolt zapped the Lancelot and returned it to normal. "What in the hell was that brother?!"

"I believe it was a paradoxical anomaly due to the delicate procedures of the space-time warping properties of the Sword of Akasha dematerializing the barrier between dimensional earths, forcing certain elements from said dimensions to slip through" said the immortal boy.

"…"

"It's like when you get into your moments. Y'know, the bed, the bath, the dumpster"

"OH, now I see"

_**In Area 2**_

"I have no idea what that was, but I'll show you the real…Shining Finger" said Bismark. The Galahad quickly zoomed behind the Lancelot and- "A Thousand Years of Death…I mean…Shining Finger"

"Oh C" said Gino.

"Ohh, that doesn't look clean" said Dorothy.

"Recorded, Robo-Rapeage" said Anya.

_**The next week**_

Suzaku Kururugi was waiting in a fancy black and silver tuxedo with white lining rimming the inside of the coat. His normally messy hair was straightened and gelled with Gino's 'man-goop'. Suzaku was sure his hair could withstand a rollercoaster without getting messed up.

"So, I'm supposed to wait here for some girl I've never met before after getting owned in so many ways by a guy that's old enough to be my grandpa. How did things get like this?" said Suzaku. He was waiting by a Pizza Hut waiting for his date and Anya.

Soon, Anya came. She was wearing a pink dress that left her back bare and showed a fair amount of cleavage, it had black tones around the bust, waist, and hip areas; as well as a helmet with said camera.

"Hey Anya, looks like you came, but where's my 'date'?" asked Suzaku.

"She is right here" replied the girl.

"I know you're here to document the disaster, and don't get me wrong, you look pretty hot in that dress, but…wait. That's wrong; you said you would only record it" stuttered Suzaku

"I said I would record our date, I never said I wasn't the girl you would date" said Anya coolly

"You said you would choose the girl" replied Suzaku

"I did, I am a girl, and I chose myself; any other stupid questions?" Anya said matter-of-factly

"No ma'am" said Suzaku

"Good, then let us go, it's rude to keep a lady waiting"

The two entered Pizza Hut. Suzaku asked the hostess if they had any tables. She immediately said yes and threw out a green-haired girl in a school uniform who was snorting Tabasco sauce and pepperoni dust. The couple took their seats and sat down. The waiter arrived quickly and offered them menus.

"I'd like a large pizza with pepperoni and cheese for the both of us" said Suzaku.

"No, I'm ordering, one of everything, then some breadsticks for the boy" said Anya flatly.

"You planning on taking it home?" asked Suzaku.

"No, I plan on eating it here" replied Anya.

Ten waiters appeared, carrying the maximum number of plates they could hold, and waited as Anya approached one dish.

_**In the Sword of Akasha**_

"Dude, sweet view seeing that idiot squirm" said Bismark.

"I know, hey you wanna watch the Lakers after they're done eating?" offered Charles.

"Sure man. Wait, they're bringing the food" said Bismark "Wait, all that for one little girl, isn't that…too…much"

"Dude, I think we should change the channel, this is scaring the Geass out of me"

"I know man; this is some bat-shit crazy shit"

VV chose that moment to look in on his brother and friend. He saw what was going on, his eyes opened wide and muttered under his breath "Marianne…you're the only one in the world who can eat like that" He then turned to Charles. "Little brother, I want her"

_**Back in Pizza Hut**_

"Waitress, check; by the way, Suzaku, do you want your breadsticks?" asked Anya.

"You just ate everything on the menu, how, what, why???" mumbled Suzaku.

"I was hungry, people eat until they are full when they're hungry" replied Anya.

"How do you stay so small, and thin, and haven't developed some sort of disorder by now?" asked Suzaku.

"Because I'm sexy like that" said Anya.

"I think I'm gonna- Arghhh-Ugghhh" Suzaku Kururugi had thrown his cookies.

"That's IT!!!" said Anya, though her voice was suddenly loud. "You think I'm strange, haven't asked me a THING about myself or my opinions, and you just vomited during our date!"

"This isn't even a real date! Remember, this is all just a bet" said Suzaku.

"A bet huh" said Anya. She stood up and started to walk towards the girl's bathroom. "I need to powder my nose"

"_She's probably going to sneak out through the window or something"_

The waiter brought the check "Uhh, Knight of Seven dude, here's –like- your bill –or something- it's –like- seven hundred dollars, would you like to pay in cash or check"

"Dammit Anya, at least pay for the bill, you ate everything!!!" said Suzaku. Then he got a weird sensation, his eyes then started to glow red. He took out a thin silver card and gave it to the waiter. "It's the credit card given to the Knight's of the Round in exchange for paychecks, it's connected directly to the Imperial Treasury" Suzaku then started bolting out the building, before the roof of Pizza Hut was destroyed by a heavy ballistic missile.

"SUZAKU KURURUGI!!!" screamed a very angry Anya, from inside the Mordred.

"Don't worry man, she's just PMS-ing, she'll return to normal in a month or two" said the waiter.

Suzaku sprinted out of the building and into the street, being mercilessly pursued by the Mordred, his 'Live On' command blaring like crazy. The Mordred swooped down like an owl and tried to pick up Suzaku, but succeeded in only picking up a green haired girl in a straight jacket who was injecting herself with pizza sauce. Anya then started freezing up and the Mordred was going to crash into a lake.

"Tah-dah!" said Gino, he caught the Mordred using the Tristan and set it down gently on the ground. "I was watching the whole thing from the exosphere and decided to intervene when things got serious"

"To stay so high in the air, how could you breathe?" asked Suzaku.

"Breathe? Agh" Gino passed out due to lack of oxygen.

Suzaku went to the Mordred's hatch and tried to open it with his hands, when that failed, he used his spin kick, which made a sizable hole and he dragged Anya out.

Anya pulled a gun out and pressed it to Suzaku's head; she pulled herself to his ear. "What do you feel, about me? Just, tell me the truth" she asked.

"I love you, Anya" And Suzaku kissed Anya, it was passionate but tender.

"Me too, I always have" said Anya.

_**The next day**_

Suzaku and Anya decided to take the day off and have a picnic together. They sat under the trees and watched the grass grow. Suzaku actually got to see Anya smile through the entire date; she looked even cuter when she smiled.

"Hey Suzaku" said Anya.

"Yeah"

"What would you rather have, me or the title of Knight of One?"

"You, definitely" said Suzaku.

Anya surprised Suzaku by giving him a kiss this time.

"I'm afraid" said Anya.

"It's okay, we have a lot of things lying in store for us, but we'll face them together"

"Suzaku, when you look at me, what do you see?" asked Anya.

"I see somebody who's seen more battle than friendship in her lifetime, and then I see the beautiful person she is underneath" replied Suzaku.

"If I fall down, do you promise to catch me?"

"Yes"

"I trust you then"

The End

_**Epilogue-In the Palace**_

Bismark and Charles were drinking until they heard a bang on the door.

"Charles Zi Britannia open up, you're wanted for multiple drug abusage" said a police officer.

VV opened the door and let the officer in

"We found your agent with 1,000 kilograms of grade-A marijuana, which he purchased using the Imperial Treasury, which is under your direct control"

The Officer dragged Charles (and for some reason Bismark) out of the Palace and into the station wagon.

The Emperor took out his cell phone and called VV

"Hey bro, I kinda got framed with drugs…again…no Bismark and I keep it natural. Will you send me bail…c'mon…I'll buy you an ice cream…no…I'll buy you a prostitute…they'll never develop…I'll buy you a new assassin…thanks brother"

"So, is VV gonna bail us out?" asked Bismark

"Yes, but I need to find a moe boy to turn into an assassin" replied Charles.

"Hey, shut up back there" said the police officer. Unfortunately, he looked into Charles' eyes and fell prey to his Geass.

The two got out then made a run for it.

"Couldn't you have done that before and not owed your brother another little boy" asked Bismark.

"…I am so stupid" said Charles. He saw a hippy who was obviously stoned.

"I can see the air dudes" said the hippy.

Charles was about to Geass the hippy and turn him into an assassin, but the hippy's eyes were so glazed over they reflected the Geass back into Charles.

When VV got his gift, he was disturbed to see that it was Charles…in his birthday suit…again.

"Dammit Charles, you tried to get free crack by Geassing somebody again. I've told you that before"


End file.
